Have your say

This is your page to tell me what you would like in a story.

All you have to do is choose some funny ideas and I will put them into writing.

  1. Place
  2. Situation
  3. Characters
  4. Key words (words that have to be included in the story)

Please keep the ideas clean.

No more than 3 characters – no trademark ones due to copyright.

 

You then get to decide on the one you like best by ‘liking’ your favourite.

Let the fun begin….

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Challenge given by Charlie Britten.

Place: Anywhere on the English coast.
Situation: St Augustine has just arrived at Border control, meaning to convert the British heathens.
Characters: St Augustine and a customs officer.
Keywords: Duty.

“Good morning sir, may I see your passport?” says a Dover customs officer to the scruffy looking man standing in front of him.

“I, I  don’t know what you mean, what is a passport young  man?”

“Cosmic conflict Brawny, I think there might be a problem here.”

“Indeed Flap, keep your eye on the dishevelled man with the shiny halo around his head.”

“I’m sorry sir but you cannot enter our country without a passport. Surely you applied for one before you began your journey?”

“Um, I don’t remember that on my brief. God only said go down to England and convert those British heathens.”

“Are you insulting me sir?” the angry customs officer declares.

“Tangled misunderstanding Brawny, the old man is getting himself into a bit of a mess.”

“Yes Flap, we may have to intervene here.”

“I think you need to come with me and explain yourself.”

“By all means, have you been saved?”

“I beg your pardon sir?”

The custom officer takes the immigrant to the Duty Office and tells him that he has to interview him.

“Name?”

“St Augustine”

“Home address before embarking on your Journey?”

“Heaven”

The customs officer looks directly at St Augustine, shakes his head and scrunches up the piece of paper.

“Holy hiatus Brawny, this is not going well. I think we might have a situation here.”

“Um, the old man is not helping himself Flap.”

“This is a waste of time, empty your pockets now sir.”

St Augustine pulls out a small bible, a handkerchief and a picture of God. The officer picks up the bible, flicks through it and throws it back onto the table. He discards the handkerchief and stares briefly at the picture.

“Is that it?”

“Yes.”

“Then I am arresting you on suspicion of attempting to enter the British Isles illegally.”

“Oh, then I have failed.”

“Spontaneous rescues Brawny, do something.”

“I have an idea Flap.” 

The bible on the table swivels around and opens at Leviticus 19:33-34. “‘When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”

The custom officer reads the two verses and looks at St Augustine. His eyes begin to well up and he takes the handkerchief and wipes his eyes. Then he notices the picture and is drawn by the eyes of His Maker. More tears overflow.

“I am so sorry St Augustine I didn’t recognise you. I forgot my duty to the Father. Thank you for visiting me, you are free to go and convert the British heathens.”

“Thank you Barney, there is a lot for me to do.”

“Cracking conclusions Brawny, I think our work is done here.”

“Definitely Flap.”

“Biff, baff, boff, time to have a rest now.” 


Brawny and Flap cruising.

“What do you mean you have lost my luggage?” the lounge singer yelled at the bell boy. “Find it immediately. It can’t have walked off.”

The young man shuffled on the spot, embarrassed at being told off in public. He was just the messenger after all.

“This is disastrous. My costumes! Well what are you waiting for, stop staring at me boy and start searching.”

“Missing suitcases Brawny, we have a situation.”

“Indeed we do Flap. I suggest we start investigating immediately.”

As Danny began to turn away from the distraught entertainer, he bumps into Lady Portland. The jolt causes her to trip over her enormously long shawl and disappears over the side of the ship.

“Flying dames Brawny, there’s a woman overboard!”

“Quick Flap, she needs a life buoy.”

“Mummy, darling.” Screams a distraught newly married groom as he and his wife watch in horror.

Horace Portland climbs over the railings and precariously jumps into the sea to save his mother.

“Crazy rescues Brawny I think we have our life buoy.”

“That wasn’t quite what I was thinking Flap.”

Danny, having picked himself up from the deck, rushes to the nearest life preserver and throws it seaward.

“The best place he can be – up the river without a paddle!” mutters Horace’s ex mother-in-law.  “Darling, you are better off without him.”  She quips to the new Mrs Portland while stroking her two pet salamanders.

Hurt by the comment Lydia Portland stares at the creatures, “You are as ugly as your reptiles, ma’am.”

“Gross toenails Brawny, I think the lady has a point, those amphibians need a manicure.”

“Um, fortunately Flap that is not in our repertoire of heroic deeds. We must instead return to our first mission, which was finding the missing luggage.”

“Biff, baff, boff Brawny, I do believe you are right.”

8 thoughts on “Have your say

  1. I’m setting you on, Margaret:
    Place: Anywhere on the English coast.
    Situation: St Augustine has just arrived at Border control, meaning to convert the British heathens.
    Characters: St Augustine and a customs officer.
    Keywords: Duty.

    Hope this is not too random.

    Liked by 2 people

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