Brawny and Flap and the custom officer.

Challenge given by Charlie Britten.

Place: Anywhere on the English coast.
Situation: St Augustine has just arrived at Border control, meaning to convert the British heathens.
Characters: St Augustine and a customs officer.
Keywords: Duty.

“Good morning sir, may I see your passport?” says a Dover customs officer to the scruffy looking man standing in front of him.

“I, I  don’t know what you mean, what is a passport young  man?”

“Cosmic conflict Brawny, I think there might be a problem here.”

“Indeed Flap, keep your eye on the dishevelled man with the shiny halo around his head.”

“I’m sorry sir but you cannot enter our country without a passport. Surely you applied for one before you began your journey?”

“Um, I don’t remember that on my brief. God only said go down to England and convert those British heathens.”

“Are you insulting me sir?” the angry customs officer declares.

“Tangled misunderstanding Brawny, the old man is getting himself into a bit of a mess.”

“Yes Flap, we may have to intervene here.”

“I think you need to come with me and explain yourself.”

“By all means, have you been saved?”

“I beg your pardon sir?”

The custom officer takes the immigrant to the Duty Office and tells him that he has to interview him.


“St Augustine”

“Home address before embarking on your Journey?”


The customs officer looks directly at St Augustine, shakes his head and scrunches up the piece of paper.

“Holy hiatus Brawny, this is not going well. I think we might have a situation here.”

“Um, the old man is not helping himself Flap.”

“This is a waste of time, empty your pockets now sir.”

St Augustine pulls out a small bible, a handkerchief and a picture of God. The officer picks up the bible, flicks through it and throws it back onto the table. He discards the handkerchief and stares briefly at the picture.

“Is that it?”


“Then I am arresting you on suspicion of attempting to enter the British Isles illegally.”

“Oh, then I have failed.”

“Spontaneous rescues Brawny, do something.”

“I have an idea Flap.” 

The bible on the table swivels around and opens at Leviticus 19:33-34. “‘When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them. The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt. I am the Lord your God.”

The custom officer reads the two verses and looks at St Augustine. His eyes begin to well up and he takes the handkerchief and wipes his eyes. Then he notices the picture and is drawn by the eyes of His Maker. More tears overflow.

“I am so sorry St Augustine I didn’t recognise you. I forgot my duty to the Father. Thank you for visiting me, you are free to go and convert the British heathens.”

“Thank you Barney, there is a lot for me to do.”

“Cracking conclusions Brawny, I think our work is done here.”

“Definitely Flap.”

“Biff, baff, boff, time to have a rest now.” 




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